augibear in a rage!

I’ve been in some mood lately. The one where your just so irritated with a lot of what’s going on that almost, you feel you can’t really do or say anything about whatever is the said issue. Does that even make sense? No..I’m sure it doesn’t. But, it is what it is. And that’s just..ok. Been awhile since I’ve updated you all on my living, financial and health. I’ll get to it sometime this week with good writing on it. A lot has happened and I’m pretty happy for the most part guys.

It’s great to be back in WA. Doing what I can to make things good for myself. It’s gonna be tough..a lot is expected of me. I don’t feel like I should be expecting much when I could be let down. That damn moral, I keep hearing.. “Don’t expect too much from anyone, you get less hurt in the end”.. Yeah. I lived like that for some time. It worked for me. Still does. But, I’m trying other ways of living my new life, new start.

I’m going into this with a partner in crime. The test here is, to see if in the end, you are still by my side..

I hope, and pray you are. ❤

I’m just shocked at what your telling me. It hurt. And it just sucks to hear that. It feels like everything I’ve been putting into this as a whole, was pointless and I look like the stupid one, of course. :(

To be happy, or to make others happy while your left with nothing except a feeling that you’ve done your good deed for the day. That is a stupid question I ask myself. All. The. Time. Seems like it’s all I do is help others, knowing damn well they deserve no such treatment. How does one say NO or simply move on when you see they clearly are in need of some sort of help or some sort of talk/advice and or comfort to continue on? I have always said to myself that I am truly one of a kind. I go above and beyond with sprinkles and a cherry to top off whatever it is I do for anyone. Why? Perhaps for the feeling of “Hey, I just helped them out right now. I feel good.” In actuality, I get left with a “Why did I just go miles beyond reason to make this person happy when I get a box of nothing?” A box. Full of the fucks they do not give, knowing I will do what I do because I do it well. What’s worse is I tend to still do it when I’m being treated like punching bag. Being hit blow, by blow, with verbal abuse that might as well be physical abuse.

Oh, excuse me for being sensitive for how I’m being treated or being used. I don’t exactly have your mind set of just shrugging it off or completely tuning it out. I dwell on your bullshit you do to me. All of it. Because the fact of the matter is, How can you do what you do and continue on with your life putting me, or anyone else down when you are no fucking child of god? Thinking “it’s cool” to still be in the life you live of drugs and the lifestyle it comes with, no.. It’s not cool. Not even close. Get off your high horse and be civil for 2.3 fucking seconds and listen what I have to say because it matters. Do I matter? I am never, ever listened to or taken seriously on my issues or situations I’m in. It’s all a joke. How am I supposed to open up to you? I mean..seriously? I’m a joke to you! A mere comedy act that entertains your moment then shrugged away. You don’t care. You say you do. Yet, I see not once slight chance that your going to move forward with your deeds your say your going to do. Yes..my parents can play this role too. The one true supporters I should have on my back and I feel nothing. Because…what? I’m a fag? A child, that didn’t come out the way you expected? Yet you trying to give me good advice to move forward in life. A good majority of friends and family tell a me a sentence I can NOT stand. “Just move on.” Move on? Oh! Well fuck, no wonder I’m having such a hard time! I should have just moved on!! Shit…get out of my face. The worst possible advice you can give anyone. Is there a pill for that? Or perhaps an app? Because damn, I need it!

If I don’t end this quick, I will end up talking for ages. So, closing all of this..I want to be taken seriously. I’m a fucking person. Treat me as one. Understand where I’m coming from. If you don’t understand..try? For someone who goes above and beyond for anyone, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone..and I’m slowly but surely fading away. Who else is gonna do what I do? One of a kind, I am. A fucking burden! Don’t shove your drugs in my face like it will solve shit. Don’t treat me like a joke. You all wonder why I’m so sad and in turn, treat me the way you do. Look in your mirror. Look good. Me and you are the same. Human beings. If your gonna give me negativity and no compromise, expect the results you’ve been getting from me. Treat me the way you want to be treated. Just treat me right! Like family. Like a friend! Like the boyfriend you Loved. Like a stranger doing a simple good deed and wanting no more than a “thank you.” And respect me! Respect my decision, my feelings, my situations. See that my cries are for help!! Be by my side as I have been for you all and Not Once left your side during your hardest, darkest hour!! If you treat me like shit knowing I’m still gonna be there for you, then clearly, your more fucked up than I am

Peace. Love. Happiness. Yeah.

-augibear

Seeing you brings back all those memories. The good. The fun. The bad. The worst. Yet I get tempted every time I see you in person. A rush of blood flows all through me. And to pinpoint the cause, is simple. Comfort.

Yup. Comfort.

I hate being alone. Can Not stand it. And we both know we can get comfort from each other. The problem is, me. Getting my feelings back. Impossible to put them aside but I did before, last year. I just miss what we had. Very good friends. Yet, lovers as well. This sounds very stupid reading all this but..it’s honestly how I feel.

If I could get my comfort back. Rebuild the foundation since our building is sinking, I know we ( I ) could be alright. But you seem to know it won’t work yet, I know for a fact that you would love that. You’ve stated it before. Many times. But fear comes in and I really can’t blame you. At all. I’m scared too.

But…I just want to be scared with you.

-augibear

A lot has been happening my life. I feel I need to switch up my page to make it more of “me” and be more personal as its my tumblr.
I will do what I please with it.

I’m not even gonna get mad anymore. I’m just going to learn to expect the lowest out of the people I thought the highest of.

liveitloveitlustit:

jacobwhyme:

My acne to go away.

A girl that is out of my league to have a crush on me.

A blunt.

Love.

Laughter with someone nice.

Passionate sex.

To take a picture that I really like.

My parents to get off my ass.

To go to sleep.

To finish this book.

New clothes.

A picture of me next to a well dressed girl.

To cuddle.

To watch a good movie.

To find a new favorite album.

To really connect with someone.

Food.

Someone to talk to.

To stop talking.

Yet I make myself look like a fool X10 and keep trying. Really, I need to just..stop.