Moved to Washington on Monday. 7 hour bus to get there. Was foreign for some reason. Very boring. Very different area and mood. It’s crazy to be there. I like it though!
Also, I haven’t been posting pics of my 365 and I’m sorry. Been way busy seeing people to chill before I had left. I have pictures. I just need to get them up. I have horrible phone service here and no wifi yet. I’ll get them up soon!
Where Do I Begin? Life, I fucking Hate you right now. I can’t blame myself because I am doing things right (sarcasm) So if I’m doing shit right, I need to blame others. Cause thats what I do. But I can’t blame others because its all my doing. So I will blame Life. I don’t know who I am anymore. Everyone says that, one point in time but, I can not for the life of me figure myself out. I’m pushing people away in my life. People that definitely don’t need to be in it. So, why do I feel like thee biggest piece of shit?? I CARE TO MUCH. Yep. I do. I will literally go out of my way for people. Above and beyond. You clearly need my help because your asking for it or giving a hit of needing help so..I’ll just put my life on hold and help you out because thats what friends do. What? No? I’m wrong? I’m not wrong? Someone explain to me why I can’t draw the line and say No. I need help more than ever. Ever. Yet, I don’t see anyone helping me. It’s always a “I’m always here to talk if you need it.” Ok! Let’s talk because I sure could use it. I get no good advice in return or I’m just cut off because they Now don’t want to hear me “act like a little bitch” and I just need to “get over it.” Really?? Go play in traffic!
Next, the issue of MYSELF being who I am, or not who I am. Just read on… I feel like I’m about to explode. And this is definitely not a good explosion. So many factors play into why I wont just straight up say what I truly want to say. SO take this how you do. I’m lost. Confused and not happy. I can’t be like everyone else with the “fuck it” attitude. I can, just not in this situation. I’m definitely afraid of judgement. Or how I will be perceived in others eyes. Religion plays a factor also, which is quite stupid, really. I was baptized as catholic tho I NEVER go to church nor follow the book. But it plays a role because….of others in my life who are dear to me. I think it will push them away, others might be accepting but not to happy about it. Hmm. So, what do I do? Be happy and start out new (Note: I’m fairly new to the game. No clue what I’m doing) Or hide behind a face with a smile and live on, coming home at the end of the day and not feeling content with my day/life? The paragraph above plays a role as they said I can talk to them about anything. No, I can’t. By NOW, most of you definitely know what I’m talking about. It is what it is.
I feel like this whole thing makes NO sense at all. Sorry. I just need to let shit out so I can actually sleep at night knowing I’ve let it out. Someone will read it and have an opinion to it. Knowing that, I can feel a little bit more content. Thoughts? Questions? Want to tell me to fuck off? Reply to this or put something in my ask box here http://augi.tumblr.com/ask
So yeah. That’s all. Sorry bout the confusion.
-aug
Oh, what do you do when someone you looked to for being who they were and not giving a shit..now says they are wrong. All wrong. It’s wrong, and now I am Wrong? Basically throwing everything they told me to be comfortable about myself..out the window???
